“Jesus loves you”
This I know
Every word that is written in the book reminds me so
Every painful word
I can’t read it anymore, it’s hard for me to admit
Did I truly ever love you God
Of was it just infatuation
How dare I try to pay back your fortified ways with feeble prayers
You know where my heart lies
That’s why it’s hard to show my face to you
Why do I truly serve you?
For a reward?
Because I’m afraid of the repercussion?
Do I just not know?
None of these answers are justified
But they are all the questions I ask myself when I search my heart for you
Why am I here, on Sunday
I’m drawn farther from you until I forget that you are there
And I can’t put up the façade anymore
I have to tear this wall down
I have to do it alone
The expression on my face will not reflect the sorrow in my heart
I won’t let streams of falsified tears run down my face
I won’t let it
I can’t tell people that you are my father, and that I am you son
I will not disgrace your name like that
I’m lost but I can’t ask you for help
Too many time I have done that
I will make camp here with the tools you have given me
Nameless and afraid
I deserve it
For all the falseness that I gave surrounding your grace
You knew all along but didn’t say anything